It happens when you reconnect with that little boy inside that was groomed by the big people in his life to believe his value came from taking care of others rather than himself. That little boy needs your love. He is you..He needs to know he is worthy of a happy nurturing connection where two people get together with mutual desires and ethics..where they both have clear standards they will not waver on and deep respect for the other.. You deserve that. Its the the believing you deserve it part that trips us up .. As soon as you truly believe you are worthy of an amazing relationship that the trauma bond will dissolve. Most of us that have been in abusive relationships have never had standards that we enforce in relationships..We think we must accept all behavior and ignore our own needs because that makes us selfish and judgmental..the one thing I have learned after surviving abuse is that our love and compassion dose not heal others.. it keeps us trapped in toxic connections because we are not giving that love and compassion to ourselves..yes we should care about others but not to the detriment of ourselves.