Reactive Abuse is Not Abuse

During an act of abuse, it is common for an abused person to lash out at their abuser.

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Verbal abuse, psychological abuse, and physical abuse are extremely traumatizing. During the abuse, the victim may scream, cry, call names, and physically defend themselves against an attack. The abuser often wants this reaction so they can then claim that the victim is the true abuser.

This is Reactive Abuse.

Reactive abuse is provoked by continued abuse and is actually a self-defense mechanism. It is usually something out of character on the victim's part and a result of the abuser’s actions.

Narcissists depend on reactive abuse because it gives them “proof” that you are unstable, mentally ill, or crazy. They revel in holding your reaction to the abuse against you indefinitely. They will gaslight you and bring up specific instances of self-defense years after the event occurred.

Narcissists are also notorious for recording your reaction or arousing your reaction publicly in order to paint the situation in their favor and make you look like you are insane.

They will say things like,

“What you said made me act that way.”