Why Did You Stay With The Narcissist So Long?

Every abuse survivor has heard this question from the people in their lives at some point during their recovery from the narcissist. Our well-meaning, and some not-so-well-meaning, family and friends usually don't realize they are victim shaming when they ask us why we stayed. They don’t know how to put themselves in our shoes. They seek to rationalize the abuse because it makes them uncomfortable to think that anyone can be a victim of domestic violence.

Humans have this tendency to blame the victim because we need to believe that the world is a fair and just place when it actually isn’t. When something bad happens to another person, we often believe that they must have done something to deserve such a fate. Social psychologists refer to this tendency as the just-world hypothesis

If we let go of these irrational cognitive biases, then it becomes more apparent that anyone can fall victim to tragedy. Yes, even you, your friends, your family, and your other loved ones. No matter how prudently and cautiously you watch your step through life, bad things can and do happen to good people.

Believing that the world is fair is a defense mechanism all humans employ. As I eluded to at the beginning of this article, by believing that people deserve what they get, and by blaming the victim, people are able to protect their…