Member-only story
Why We Romanticize Toxic Relationships
We are socialized to breed attachment due to old trauma and codependency.
We all were conditioned, from a very young age, with many different beliefs about love that are actually quite toxic. For some of us, it is religious and cultural but for all of us, it is the media that has brainwashed us with unhealthy ideas about what love is.
We have romance commanding an entire genre in books, movies, country music, rap, and television shows. Toxic portrayals of couples have become increasingly popular. From blurring the lines on consent to mistaking jealous behavior with “passion,” far too many shows, movies, and books have depicted romantic relationships in the wrong light.
Toxic Love Sells
Those profiting from dysfunctional and abusive characters understand that these storylines are very addicting to the public. Producers, songwriters, and romance novelists have displayed unhealthy couples and presented them as the epitome of romance.
There are many examples but I’m going to highlight three very popular toxic couples in the movies.
Christian and Anistasia
Fifty Shades of Gray completely normalized coercive and controlling relationships. The popularity of this book among women sends a message to men that violent and degrading sex is what women really want.
The male character, Christian Gray, was abused as a young boy, neglected by a mother who was addicted to drugs and controlled by a pimp.
In his adult life, he is very wealthy, gorgeous, and has only experienced BDSM sexual relationships, having never experienced being in love.
He displayed lots of power and control in his relationship with the main female character Anastasia. If she would send a text message, and Christian didn’t like what she said in the text, he would immediately come to her office to rage.
I was dating a man that asked me if I had read Fifty Shades of Gray. When I said no he encouraged me to read it so I could understand him better. I asked him how could this book help me understand him more. He told me the main character was EXACTLY like him,
